It’s Monday. Another week on the road for the Hubs. I sat him down yesterday and was honest with him about my current struggles having a traveling husband. Before everything happened with the twins I prided myself on being a stay at home mom with a traveling husband. I wore it as a badge of honor that I was not only willing to be by myself but I did a pretty good job by myself too. I missed him, sure, and it’s definitely easier to wrangle a toddler and 3 dogs with an extra set of hands, but I did pretty well on my own. I even did a pretty good job of keeping his leaving and returns as seamless as possible. In order for a traveling husband (or wife) to work, it can’t be a huge ordeal every time he/she comes or goes.
Fast forward a few months: now my emotional resolve as a stay at home mom with a traveling husband has been beaten within an inch of its life. I’m struggling. I’m struggling with a lot of things right now, this is just a big one since it’s such a huge part of our lives. I feel like every time he leaves, a part of my heart and soul goes with him. I guess maybe that’s a good thing – it speakes to the depth of our relationship. But, the other side of that is that I don’t feel like I’m functioning at full capacity while he’s gone, and that makes my job here on the home front quite difficult. So we talked yesterday, he’s aware of my feelings, concerns and struggles. We both agree this isn’t the time to be making any decisions…we’re still fragile and emotionally weak, really not the best time to be making big, life decisions. The truth is, even though he travels, his job offer lots of perks that we enjoy. Time off, flexibility, we benefit from frequent flyer miles and rewards programs at hotels and such. Also, he’s compensated nicely. His job, while challenging, allows me to stay at home and we don’t really sacrifice that much in the way of lifestyle. And it feels like we’re working towards something. Like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I really can’t put my finger on it, but it almost seems like we’re on a trip, or maybe running a race, and there IS a finish line to cross at the end of this job. There is a prize, reward, whatever you want to call it to be working towards. So today I’m moving forward, comforted that Hubs is happy with his job, but more than willing to make a change if it gets to be too much for me and our family. I’m thankful for a husband that is willing to sit down and listen to me whine about another thing (it’s a never-ending list of things) that has changed/been affected by losing the girls. I’m also so thankful for a husband and father that takes his role as the head of our family so seriously. I’m thankful today that even in the midst of uncertainty he wants to grow our family and doesn’t feel the need to wait until things are more stable. We’re getting really, really, really close to the point of trying for another baby. I’m hoping a little distraction is all I need to get me functioning normally, well, my new normal anyways. I’m also hoping that distraction is in the form of 2 little lines very, very soon.