Well, would you look at that!

I’ve been slightly MIA for a few days, mostly due to a little thing known as life. I’m sure you, too, can understand how it sometimes gets in the way. Nothing particularly earth shattering has happened, we’ve just been busy. Too busy. It’s all self-imposed. We can’t help ourselves. We traveled to the Promised Land on Saturday to visit Hubs’ grandparents. They truly don’t care about seeing us (that’s not entirely true) they just count on us to transport the wee one. While I think it’s truly important for A to know as much of her family as possible, the fact that they live 3 hours away makes it challenging. Oh well. It was a nice, successful trip and it’s always nice to feel welcome and loved. We spent last night at the circus. That was fun. No, really, it was! There’s nothing better than seeing your kid’s face light up when they experience something you’ve forgotten was extraordinary. I find myself often wishing I could view the world through the eyes of my child. What an amazing place this must be without the fear and worry that adults have to account for.  Things like gas prices, debt ceilings and 401K’s and 529’s.  But I digress…

The rest of our spare time has been taken up completing long overdue projects around our house. Something about the impending arrival of another baby has me chomping at the bit to get stuff done. I made some major changes to our utility room a few weeks ago and the finishing touches are finally being placed on our dining room that we built, ahem, a year ago. Insert embarrassment here. I think it must be some form of nesting that I’m experiencing but either way, love the new utility room and I just may have somewhere to host a houseful of people for Christmas this year!

Now, on to the title of my post. I had my first ultrasound this morning. It was scheduled for 9am. We got home around 11am. We live 15 minutes away. It appears the appointment that was made for me was never saved in the system so I was basically worked in this morning. I’m glad they didn’t try to reschedule me. There was NO WAY I was leaving that office today without an ultrasound; and I was prepared to tell them so. I already had the speech worked out in my head. My doctor knew I was nervous…probably because I couldn’t stop shaking. I like her. A lot. I’ve had several people tell me they think I should switch doctors and honestly, the thought has also occurred to me. Not because I necessarily feel like she did anything wrong, just to avoid the bad juju I now associate with the office. The truth is though, it’s nice that the nurses are more sensitive towards me and my doc confirmed today that she didn’t forget what happened, she knew exactly what she was walking into when she opened the door to the exam room. I appreciate that. I did catch her off guard when I started crying though…I’m apparently one of her “unemotional” patients so when I get emotional “things get weird”. I don’t need sunshine and puppy dogs from my doctor. I don’t expect her to hug me and cry with me…that’s what friends and family are for. She’s in no way cold, and she doesn’t have a poor bedside manner. And she’s smart. Confident. And I trust her. And she’s sensitive enough to my fears and needs to accommodate them. For example, even though not necessary, she’s bringing me back in 4 weeks for an additional sono just to make sure everything is still on track. She flat-out told me she’d do whatever I wanted meaning if I wanted a sono every week from now until 12 weeks or so, fine. After that the baby gets too big and she has to send me upstairs to the sono suite…cue out of pocket payments if there’s no medical need for the sono. So all in all, I’m satisfied with her care. I did tell the Hubs that I reserved the right to change my mind if I started feeling awkward about being in her office. He promptly asked how that was any different from anything else in life. Smart ass.

So the truth is,I’m not as relieved as I thought I would be. I mean, if I’m being TOTALLY honest, I didn’t expect there to be a heartbeat at all. Perhaps I’m still in shock. I’m thrilled that there’s a (just 1 this time!) 7 week 3 day babe growing inside of me with a healthy heart rate of 150 bpm. But, I’m still scared. I think I will be until I get past the point I was when I lost the twins. Feeling movement will be nice too. A little reminder that (hopefully) everything is ok. And I think I’ll be purchasing a doppler. That way I can check for the heartbeat at home anytime I want. From what I’ve read, some women are able to pick up a heartbeat as early as 9 weeks! That’s just crazy.

It also appears we’re telling my in-laws and sis-in-law (I love her, by the way. I haven’t talked much about her yet…I need to do that) tonight at dinner. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Part of me wants to wait until March and be like, oh, by the way, we had another baby. But that’s unrealistic…or so I’m told. I’m hoping they’ll be happy. I’m hoping they’ll be thrilled, actually. But I’m fearful that they will be cautious and guarded, just like I am. I want to think of something creative to do to tell them. If I don’t, I’ll feel like this baby is already getting the short end of the stick!

But anyways, here’s proof positive that the pee sticks didn’t lie! And PS: I think this one’s a boy 😉

WM Baby #4 Photo 1


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