I’m a little hot-headed. I feel like it’s been greatly subdued over the past 3 years or so; quitting my job, becoming a mom, experiencing the loss of the twins and the general understanding that most things in life just aren’t worth wasting the energy being upset about. However. There are a few things that have crossed my path recently that have me flustered. I blame the pregnancy hormones.
The Mommy Wars
I’m a stay at home mom. I chose to be a stay at home mom. Not because I made next to nothing while working. Not because day care costs would have eaten my entire paycheck and then some. All that is true, but my husband and I desired for our children to be raised with a parent at home. We thought it was best for OUR family. We decided that’s what WE wanted for OUR children. What you do is your business. We put off having children because I just wasn’t ready to be a stay at home mom for several years. I don’t run around spouting off research that supports our decision. Nor do I get into regular debates about what makes a better parent; stay at home mom vs. working mom. Like I said, WE made OUR decisions based on OUR desires for OUR family and OUR children. Your decision may be different and I respect that. With all that said, the next person to post a link on facebook about why working moms are happier or why working moms are better, they’re getting de-friended. Keep your judgmental thoughts to yourself. Along the same lines: Just because I’m a stay at home mom doesn’t mean we’re loaded financially. Yes, my husband makes a nice living, so do a lot of people. We still have to make sacrifices for me to be at home. And we live on a budget. Every.single.month. Our income is budgeted to almost $0 by the time I get done directing our money to the places I want it to go. And if my husband didn’t make the living he currently does (which I’m sure we’ll be faced with sooner rather than later given our goals) we’ll make even more sacrifices to keep me at home.
The Breastfeeding Wars
Ok. I’m a breastfeeding advocate. And I’m seriously lacking in the modesty department which is an important detail in this rant. I had a really rough start with A, but stuck with it and nursed successfully for just over 12 months. I truly enjoyed it and I will encourage anyone that asks my opinion to at least attempt to breastfeed. However. If you can’t, fine. If you don’t want to, fine, that’s your choice much like my decision to breastfeed is my choice. There has recently been a lot of attention given to women nursing in public. This was never a huge issue with A because the few times I tried it was a disaster. One in particular on an airplane where anyone who wanted to look had a very nice view of my left bewb. She wasn’t inclined to eat anywhere but the rocker in her nursery. That’s not to say the need to nurse in public didn’t occasionally arise. It did, and I had no problem attempting it. I also nursed a lot in my car. I expect to be nursing in public a lot more with Baby C. It’s just not realistic to expect to be home enough to feed her in the privacy of my home; especially with a 3 year old in tow. Here’s the thing; if you need to feed your baby in public, great! But please be aware that every time you nurse in public it doesn’t need to be a platform for women’s rights. If your baby won’t stay under a nursing cover, or you choose not to use one, it’s not going against your God-given right to at least attempt to be discreet. I don’t make it a habit of seeking out moms nursing in public but even I, a pro-breastfeeder, was slightly offended at dinner one Friday night when a lady lifted her shirt, removed her bra cup and nursed her baby on the patio of a very busy downtown restaurant. It’s not the breastfeeding I took issue with, it’s the complete lack of tact while breastfeeding. No attempt AT ALL to cover herself (not really an issue) or to BE DISCREET (this is my issue). I just don’t understand the need to make such a point; not everyone is comfortable with a mom breastfeeding her baby. You forcing it upon them isn’t going to change their mind, it will only enforce their current feelings on the subject. So, no, I will not be participating in your nurse-in. And no, I will not sit in the most public place I can find and nurse my baby just to make a point. Also, I will not get into an argument about our “rights” as women to breastfeed wherever we want. I’ll feed my baby when the need arises, nothing more, nothing less. It’s not a battle I’m interested in fighting. I just want to feed my kid. I will attempt to cover myself when in public and if that doesn’t work I will at least try to be discreet. And unless someone asks for very, very intimate details, can we all agree that stating you breastfeed is enough? For example, posting on facebook about your husband squirting your own breastmilk into your own eye to clear up a case of pink eye is just too much information. Nobody needs to know that. And it gives the rest of us a bad reputation. And it will get you blocked from my news feed.