This day. Oh, this day. Ugh. It has just been a rotten day. First of all, it’s been cloudy/rainy here for the better part of a week. I’ve seen the sun once in the past several days. It’s starting to take its toll on me. My morning started out with A calling for me on the monitor. When I wake up in the mornings, I try to judge the time based on the light outside. I turn the light on my clock off (it tends to give me a headache if I sleep with the light on…high-maintenence, I know) so unless I groggily reach for my phone, the light coming in from the windows is my best gauge. This morning, it was still fairly dark so I though A just needed to be tucked in and told it wasn’t time to get up yet. So I pulled my butt out of bed and stumbled into her room only to discover it was past 7. Clouds. Rain. You see where this is going. “I’m hungry” a whiny voice says to me. “Ok, fine” I sigh. “Get up and we’ll go get some breakfast.” My day started out 90 to nothing. She was hungry, but wouldn’t eat. Sigh. Life with a toddler. She wanted to play, we had somewhere to be. She kept asking me to play with her and not only did I not want to, but I had to get ready. Dance classes are on Wednesday mornings and we leave at 9:30. This week was “Watch Me Week” which means they set up chairs and invite all the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, distant cousins, family black sheep and all the random strangers they can find to sit on the perimeter of the room and watch class. Sigh. This has never gone well. I warned my husband and mother-in-law that while they were more than welcome to attend, she would most likely spend the entire class in my lap. Both of them disagreed with me, I still don’t know why. It’s not like I haven’t done this before. To complicate things further, I had to take Hubs to pick up his rental car this morning which threw my whole schedule off. By the time we left the house for dance class I was frazzled, and my back hurt. I HATE to be that way in front of my husband. I don’t like for him to think I can’t handle it when he’s out of town.
Dance class went exactly as I expected it would, she curled up in my lap and whined the whole time. I was close to tears by the end, ok middle…seriously close to losing it right then and there. I was so frustrated with my mother-in-law trying to convince her to participate (like I hadn’t already said these things to her and I won’t answer the same question over and over again. It just gives her the attention she wants so I just wanted my mother-in-law to STOP TALKING TO HER), I was frustrated that once again, I’ve got the only kid in class that won’t participate, I was frustrated that my husband was being overly nice to A when I wanted to pound her, I was frustrated that she wouldn’t sit still and wouldn’t be quiet and kept disrupting the class (“I’m hungry!” “I want to go home!” “I want my blankie and bottle!” over and over and over again) and I was beyond embarrassed because once again, I’m convinced everyone is looking at me thinking, “Geez, she can’t control the one she’s got, how does she think she’s going to manage an infant too?” Sidebar: I’ve learned not to judge other parents too harshly, you just never know what’s ACTUALLY going on in their life. A kept asking to go home, and I said no. At one point I took her out of the class to have a talk with her about sitting still and not talking during class. Told her that all her friends were performing for their family and if she didn’t want to participate, she had to sit still and be quiet. It didn’t do much good, but I don’t believe in discipline without explanation…even with a 2 year old. Anyways, I felt it was important for her to sit through the class, that by leaving she would have got what she wanted, so we stayed. I’ve decided I’m not going next time…it’s just not worth it. We’ll skip that week. And the 100+ bucks we’re going to have to spend for her Spring recital? I might as well wipe my ass with it and flush it down the toilet. So Hubs was headed out of town right after her class, but we thought we’d stop at Starbucks for a quick cup of coffee before he left. That went terrible too. She whined and squirmed the whole time. She kept complaining she was hungry so I offered her some of my croissant, but she kept demanding green apples. I still don’t know where that came from, we don’t eat green apples around here. Red ones, yes, tons of them, but no green. Whatever, I grabbed my latte that I never even had time to taste and headed home.
I get home, cut her up an apple and make her a cheese quesadilla (she’s starving, remember?) that she proceeds to eat a tiny bit of and declares she’s done. Fine, kid, whatever. You’ve got 30 minutes with the tv then we’re both taking a nap. Only, 30 good minutes was too much to ask for. Because my doctor’s office called to tell me I failed my 1 hour glucose test yesterday and I needed to come in for the 3 hour test ASAP. Oh, and I’m also low on iron, so I’ll need to start taking a supplement. Now, neither of these things surprised me (based on my pregnancy with A), but it was just too much before noon. I called my husband bawling. I just felt like a parenting failure all the way around. From my morning with A right down to not being able to stay healthy while I’m pregnant. Also, I’m peeved at the nurse that called…I know most of the nurses at my doctor’s office but I don’t know this one that called. She was so insistent I come in right away I finally had to be kind of rude and tell her flat out that I have a young child, a husband that travels and frankly, carving 4-5 hours out of my day to come to your office to do a 3-hour glucose test is not something I can do without some planning. So calm the eff down, lady, I’ll take a look at my schedule and get back to you. Geez. Also, did you look at my file? AT ALL? I’ve done this before you know…
So my nap was pretty good. But my afternoon hasn’t been much better. My child is just in a mood today and while I think consistency is the best way to shape behavior, I frankly just don’t always have it in me. You didn’t say please? Fine, whatever, I’ll just get you what you want. No, we’re not reading a book right now but since you’ve asked me for the zillionth time, fine, I’ll give in. I know it’s bad. But I’m just so beat-down today. To top it all off, I get a text while I’m giving A a bath tonight from an old friend. She had a really random question, which was no big deal, but proceeded to ask me how I was and if I’d had to twins yet. I thought most people in my life (past and present) had gotten this memo. I was left to explain, via text, that we lost them in March, stillborn at 19 weeks, blah, blah, blah. She felt terrible, of course, but that got me thinking more in-depth about the girls than I really wanted to today and now I can’t shake it. This day has just been too much.
A is still awake in her bed. She’s been calling for me, I keep ignoring her. Also, the dogs are going a bit stir-crazy thanks to the rain which means I’m about to blow-off my to-do list and lock myself in my bedroom. For the record, non-pregnant B would have a glorious dirty gin martini right now. Then probably another one with an Advil chaser. So if there’s anyone out there that would like to have one on my behalf, please, enjoy 1 (or 2) for me.